


Lose The Fear, Let There Be Reason

by wheneveryouwantto



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: AAA - Freeform, Again, An alternative meeting, Fluff, I really love soft Bram, I wanted to write another from Bram's POV, M/M, Soft Boys, but i'm proud of it, i hope you like this, this took me forever to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 01:17:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16336964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheneveryouwantto/pseuds/wheneveryouwantto
Summary: Another alternative meeting. Bram rides the 'bravery train' and has a conversation with Simon.Title Song - Fly by June Marieezy (FKJ Remix)





	1. The Most Amount Of Love And Support Ever.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to Tabitha and Julia. You'll never see this, but you two make me want to keep going. Thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Ah!! I haven't written anything for what feels like forever. I wanted to write Chapter two (this is a two chapter story) before publishing this chapter, but I got too excited. I really hope you love it, though!
> 
> I love reading alternative meetings. I wrote another one in Simon's POV so if you want to, have a read! It's called 'You're Blue, I'm Red' :)

_Jacques,_

_Wow. I know we haven’t spoken in a while. I hope all’s okay with you. I’m so sorry that I stopped emailing you - I panicked. I know that isn’t a good enough excuse, but that’s just what happened, and I don’t want to lie to you. I really hope you can forgive me. I’m also really sorry about how you got outed to the universe. I never saw the Tumblr post, but I heard about it from people. I got to come out to my best friend today, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty the whole time. I wish you got to do that, Jacques._

_So, Simon. Hello. It feels like I’m meeting you for the first time, despite the fact that we’ve been emailing for half a year. And for that half a year, I was so closed off about myself. However, I’m willing to tell you who I am now (finally!) And no, I’m not Cal Price, unfortunately. Although I kind of wish I was. He’s pretty. You probably won’t be absolutely thrilled about who I am, but that’s okay. I’ve had a lot of time to think recently, and honestly? As long as you’re happy - I don’t mind how you feel about me. Not one bit. I’m going to put my heart on the line and tell you this, though —_

_I like you a lot, Simon. I genuinely could not have asked for a better Jacques. You’re very cute and very funny, and very talented. I like you and your sentence fragments. Wow, I know. Why is it so much easier to tell people things over email?_

_Please let me know how everything at school is. And I hope this isn’t awkward for you. If you don’t like me, we can pretend that none of this ever happened (although, frankly, It would be nice to still be your friend)._

_The most amount of love and support ever,_

_Blue._

_(Bram Greenfeld. I know. Oh dear. I’m sorry. I’m going to send this email quickly now, so I don’t delete everything I just wrote.)_

 

***

 

_I don't know how to address this,_

_Bram Greenfeld. Like, soccer Bram?? Soccer Bram with the cute face and good grades?? Nick and Garrett's Bram??_ Because _holy SHIT. Okay._

_Oh my God, Bram. You don't have to apologize. I would have done the same thing. I forgive you SO HARD. You seriously don't need to worry, like, at all. Did you come out to Garrett, by any chance? Wow. I'm so freaking proud of you. Did he take it well? I really hope he did. I imagine he did._

_You're right. It kind of does feel like we've never met before. Hello, Bram. Nice to meet you! My name is Simon. Jesus Christ, don't feel bad about not being Cal. I'm actually really surprised, and really really HAPPY. Bram Bram Bram. You are Bram, right? Please don't say you're fucking with me. Now I know who you are, I literally would not change it for the world. Wow. You're so perfect. And I'm so cheesy. Whatever. I'm happy, okay?! Give me mercy, Mr. Greenfeld. I could type out your name forever._

_School is fine. I haven't gotten nearly as much homophobic teasing as I thought I would -- But let's not go into that right now. Let's keep the mood positive. I cannot believe you'd think I'd just abandon you after knowing who you are. I can't stop smiling, Bram. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!_

_We should talk after school tomorrow. I have play practice, but if you come down, Nick will be there waiting for Abby. Then I'll bring you back to my house so that we can talk about this properly, Okay? Okay._

_Love,_

_Simon._

 

***

 

_Simon,_

_Yes. Of course. I'll definitely wait for you at practice - even if Nick isn't there. I think you underestimate how cute I think you are._

_Love, Bram._

 

________________

 

I don’t think there are any actual human words to fully describe how incredibly nauseated I feel right now. Simon knows, and I don’t know whether to cry out of happiness or nervousness. He seems pretty happy about the fact that I’m blue — _“I can't stop smiling, Bram.”_ — I don’t think Simon will ever understand how happy and relieved that made me feel.

Today, I’m going to his house after school. I’m nervous but excited. Excited to finally be able to talk to Simon and explain everything to him, but nervous that he may realise I’m not the person he thinks I am. 

Whatever.

Here goes.

 

*** 

 

I think even _I_  underestimated how cute Simon is. I’m slumped against the dark painted wall at the back of the auditorium, and I’m sat next to Leah. Nick didn’t come to practice, but Leah and I have been chatting, and it’s actually been quite fun to watch the rehearsals with her. I get along well with Leah, and I’m kind of sad I never spoke to her before. She’s really lovely and puts on a hard front, but deep down cares about her friends a lot. Who, in this case, are Simon and Abby. Especially Simon. 

At one point Simon, Abby and Taylor Metternich (?) come towards us, and Taylor stands against the wall while Abby and Simon sprawl across the floor.

“I’m so tired,” Abby complains. Simon affectionately puts his hand on her forehead and Abby giggles, which sends Simon into a laughing fit too. I look at Leah and she’s warmly looking at them both. I play with the lace on my shoe.

“Okay,” Simon announces, sitting up and looking at me.

“Food. What food do you like? Because we could get takeout, but my sister is a surprisingly good cook. But it’s up to you, I guess,” He runs a hand through his hair and I bite back a smile. 

“I’ll eat pretty much anything,” I affirm and Simon nods thoughtfully. Miss Albright starts yelling for everyone to gather around, and so Simon shoots me a quick smile and runs off, dragging Abby with him.

 

*** 

 

Simon, Abby, Martin Addison and I are the last students to leave the auditorium. Martin is fidgety and awkward and looks like he’s about to burst into tears and Abby looks angry (as angry as someone like Abby can look, anyway. She has a resting nice face, so she always looks somewhat friendly). Simon hugs Abby before she leaves. Martin lingers, fussing with his books and his phone. When Abby walks away, Simon makes his way towards me and I nod at him.

“Are you ready?” He asks.

“Yup,” I reply, so Simon turns to leave the auditorium.

Simon’s car is comfortable. It’s quite a new car for someone of his age. It’s red and has light beige seats. As soon as we get in, he puts the AC on full heat and holds his hands in front of the warm air.

“It’s so fucking cold,” he mumbles. I gently pull on my seatbelt and hug my bag to my chest. It's comforting, in a weird way. I seriously don't think I've ever felt this nervous in my life. It doesn't help that Simon is _THE_ cute guy who makes me tongue-tied. Why did I ever agree to do this?

 

***

 

As soon as we get into Simon's house, I can feel the amount of love and happiness that this family has for each other. The hallways are covered in photos of Simon, his sisters and his parents (not to mention the dog) and it's all very warm and home-like. I get introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Spier as " _Bram Greenfeld from the soccer team and AP English_ ". Simon leads me up to his bedroom, which is surprisingly clean. His bed is perfectly made and the floor is fairly clean - it's his desk which is messy. There are bits of paper, and stacks of books and stationary strewn all over the place. 

Simon pulls off his shoes and gently crawls onto the bed to sit next to his dog. Beiber, I think its name is? I sit on the desk chair and watch Simon gently stroke Beiber's head before he decides to speak up.

 

"Okay," he says finally, leaning up against the wall and poking Beiber with his toes. 

"I'm going to start this off by being completely honest with you - today was hell. I couldn't concentrate at all, and I've been so nervous because of you. But I'm not even complaining, so don't start apologising. The next thing - what made you want to tell me?"

 

Good question, Simon. I make a 'hmm' sound and push myself up. I look at the floor while I think of a decent answer to give him.

"I don't quite know. I didn't think I was going to do it, in all honesty. But last night I came out to Garrett. I knew who you were, and I definitely wasn't mad about it, so I guess I just decided to ride the bravery train," I admit finally. Simon looks at me thoughtfully and he presses his lips together.

 

"I'm glad you told me. And I'm so freaking proud of you, Bram. Like, oh my God," When Simon says my name it makes me chest flip. I never thought I'd be sat in his room having THIS conversation with him. Not in a million years. This is almost too good to be true.

"Thank you," I say. It comes out in almost a whisper and I almost kick myself because of it. Simon grins and pats on the bed - a space on the other side of the sleeping Beiber. I stand up and carefully sit there as not to wake him up. 

"So it's really you, huh?"

"It's really me,"

 

Simon makes his thinking face again. He's looking at my feet and his breathing pattern is soft. I bet his hands are soft, too. 

"Did you really mean what you said in your email?" I ask apprehensively. Simon looks up at me with an expression which almost looks as if he's offended.

 

"Of course I meant it! I don't think I've ever meant anything more in my entire life. Like, wow. Wow, Bram. I'm so happy I could cry,"

"Please don't cry," I laugh, and Simon starts laughing too.

"I'll try not to. But seriously. Please don't put yourself down,” Simon moves his hand forward so that the tips of his fingers are touching mine. 

 

“I’ll try. I just thought you liked Cal,”

“I liked Cal because I thought he was Blue. And then he came out and started flirting with me, but... but he wasn’t you. So I just kind of ignored him. Maybe that makes me an asshole,” Simon shuffles and leans back again. He rubs his knees tentatively and I can really see how nervous he is. 

 

“Are you okay?” I ask. It’s only the nice thing to do. He sighs and relaxes a little.

“Yeah. I’m just ... I don’t know. You’re so calm and calculated and I don’t know how you do it. I’m trying my very best not to word vomit,” 

 

“Feel free to word vomit,” I say. It’s probably not of any help, but I know that Simon carefully picks his words in his emails. I don’t want him to do that now. I want to hear everything that’s in his mind. Heck, I could listen to Simon forever. 

“Okay. Well. I don’t know. Ugh,” he starts. There’s a moment of silence before he starts again.

 

“I like you a lot, Bram. I like how intelligent you are. Your way of writing is so intimidating but weirdly beautiful. You’re so thoughtful and caring, and you’re kind of like one of my best friends, which is weird considering I only knew who you were less than 24 hours ago,” Simon rambles. He takes a deep breath after and looks at me intently. I can feel my face heating up, but when I don't say anything, Simon continues his little vent.

“And you’re cute, Bram. So cute. I always called you Cute Bram Greenfeld in my head. That sounds like a joke, but I’m being deathly serious. I always felt bad about it though, like I was cheating on Blue or something. Even though you are Blue... I was cheating on you for you. Isn’t that a weird mentality?”

 

I can’t help but chuckle at that. It’s probably one of the most  _Simon_ things he’s ever said. I want to kiss him very badly. Or hug him, or something. He’s had such a bad couple of weeks, and Iknow that I’m partially to blame for it. I want to make everything better for him. 

 

“I’m sorry about creeksecrets,” I mutter. Simon’s face drops a little and he seems to fold into himself.

“It’s - you don’t have to apologise. It’s fine. It’s my fault, really, but it’s a long story,” he explains quietly.

“Do your friends know?”

“No. I should probably tell them, but I want it all to just blow over,” 

 

Part of me wants to tell him to tell them, but I know exactly what he means. I’d probably want the same thing, though, so I don't want to be hypocritical about it. I honestly just want Simon to be happy. He's usually such a positive, optimistic and bubbly person. It breaks my heart that he doesn't feel that way now.

 

"I understand that. I just hope you know how much your friends love you. When I first started at Creekwood Nick was so excited to introduce me to you. Leah really cares about you too, though I know she doesn't show it. Talking to her today really made me realise that. And Abby? Well, you don't really need me to explain how much Abby adores you," I chuckle. I see Simon smile underneath his hair.

 

There's another comfortable moment of silence. I don't know whether I should hold his hand or not, but then I think of Garrett again. If Garrett was here, he'd be frantically pushing me towards Simon and telling me to do it. To go and sit by him. Take every chance I can get now, because I may never have a chance again.

So, I take his advice. I stand up and carefully step over Beiber. Simon looks up at me, and his eyes follow me as I sit down next to him. We're close. Our shoulders are touching now and Simon is staring me straight in the face. He's practically burning a hole into my cheek with the pure intensity of how he's looking at me. 

 

"It'll all be okay in the end," I assure him. "We're all here for you. Leah, Nick, Abby, and Garrett. Morgan and Anna. Cal and Taylor, and especially me,"

Simon sighs softly. "Thank you. How come you always know what to say?" He asks, and I laugh gently.

"I don't know, Simon,"

 

"I really want to hold your hand," He whispers in reply. Finally. Thank goodness it's not just me.

"So hold it," I tell him, and he does. I was right, by the way - His hands _are_ soft.


	2. How Did You Know I Was Going To Ramble?

"What do you want this to be, then?" Simon asks after we have food. He falls back onto his bed and puts a hand behind his head, and one on his stomach. I sit on the desk chair again.

 

"What do you mean?"

"Are we just going to be like... best buds? Or?" 

 

"Simon," I laugh. "Are you suggesting that we don't take this any further than being just friends?"

I mean, it's pretty much inevitable that Simon and I date at this point. Not to get ahead of myself, but if anything Simon said in his emails was anything to go by, then we definitely can't just be friends. It would probably eat away at his conscience for the rest of eternity.  A slight red tint brushes over Simon's cheeks and he sits up.

 

"I mean... I don't know. I'm actually-"

"Stop right there," I interrupt. "Stop rambling,"

"How did you know I was going to ramble?"

"I just did. Try and condense what you were going to say into about three sentences"

 

Simon laces his fingers together and shuffles his feet.

 

"I like you a lot, Bram. You're, like, super intelligent and athletic and attractive, and also not out to anyone but your parents and Garrett. So I don't really know how to go around this,"

"I don't mind being out. For you," I clarify. "If you have to be out, then I want to be out with you. I'm all in if you are,"

 

Simons face changes instantly and it's almost comical.

 

“All in? Like, boyfriends?” His eyes are wide and all twinkly. It reminds me of how Garrett gets when he’s excited. 

 

“I mean, sure, if that’s what you want,”

“That’s what I want,” Simon replies. He seems pretty sure of himself. We just look at each other for a couple of minutes, and then Simon starts laughing, which sets me off too. 

 

“That was so easy,” Simon says between laughs.

“I know. I kind of regret not having this conversation earlier. It wasn’t scary at all,” I reply. Simon takes a deep breath and then exhales. 

 

“What are we going to tell our friends?” He asks me. I shrug. I actually have no idea. They’ll be pretty surprised that Simon and I, two people who have hardly ever spoken to each other in real life, are suddenly together now. 

 

“I guess we should speak to them. I don’t know. I’m not ready for that conversation,” I sigh. Simon fiddles with the zip on his hoodie for a minute. I go to sit by him and gently place my head on his shoulder.

 

"They'll one hundred percent be fine with it, though. It's just awkward. It's like coming out, really, isn't it?" I observe. "You know it'll be fine with some people but you still don't want to do it because it's an awkward mess,"

 

Simon giggles a little bit and rests his hand over mine. 

"You're right. Not to mention the fact that Abby will probably cry from pure excitement. I don't know why I'm scared -- I just am," Simon tells me. 

"Well, don't worry about it now. That's a problem for future us," I say, and Simon grins at me.

"I'm pretty sure I'll never hear you say that again. I swear you're one of those people who do their homework on the same day that it's issued," He jokes.

"So what if I am?" I ask, pretending to be offended. Simon laughs and falls into my chest.

 

***

 

I gave Simon my phone number before I left last night, and now I'm tired because we were up late talking. I'm pretty sure that if it was socially acceptable to be nocturnal, Simon would very definitely be. I, however, would not. Garrett says that I'm like a child - I need a full seven hours of sleep otherwise I physically cannot function. Today I'm running on five hours, and I'm going to need a lot of coffee.

 

I kiss my mom goodbye, then climb into my car. I place my backpack on the seat next to mine and drive in the direction of the coffee shop.

 

When I pull up to the car park, I notice something - Simon's car. Of course, because how else does he stay up so late without living off coffee? I notice that Leah and Nick are in the car, too. They're probably waiting for Simon to bring them some coffee, too.

 

I open the door to the coffee shop and a wave of warm air hits my face, and it's really nice considering that it's cold as Aunt Alexandra's heart out here (Yes, that is a  _To Kill a_ _Mockingbird_  reference. Yes, I pay too much attention in English Lit). I gently close the door behind me and clasp my hands together. My eyes find Simon pretty quickly. He's at the back of the queue, rubbing his hands together and hopping from one foot to another. I walk up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. He spins around, looking concerned, but his expression softens up when he realises that it's me.

 

"Are you stalking me?" He asks. 'You nearly gave me a heart attack,"

"Wow, good morning to you too!" I laugh, and Simon pouts. He looks _really_ cute. His hair is a mess, as per, and he's wearing a thick denim jacket which compliments his eyes perfectly.

 

"Shh,' Simon replies. "I haven't had my coffee yet,"

 

He takes my hand off his shoulder but continues holding it, so I shuffle up next to him. Close, so that our shoulders are touching.

"Your hand is fucking freezing," He mutters and I chuckle slightly.

 

"Let go then, and stop complaining," I say.

"Nope," Simon replies warmly.

 

As expected, he orders three coffees. Iced, for some reason, and gets very defensive when I call him out on it.

 

"You complain about the cold but then buy iced coffees?" I question. Simon frowns.

"Iced coffee is obviously the superior coffee, though," He retorts, and holds the door open for me. I stand there for a moment.

"You're letting all the cold in," Simon says, and so I hastily make my way through the door.

 

'Fuck," I whisper, and I hold my cup of coffee close beneath my chin. Simon shuts the door and comes to stand in front of me for a moment.

"You okay?" He asks. I nod and exhale slowly.

'Wait right there," He says, quickly walks back over to his car. I watch him open the door and pass Abby and Nick their coffees. Then, he raises his hands for a moment and slowly closes the door. Before I know it, he's stood in front of me, handing me his jacket.

 

"I remember Garrett saying about how you have no AC in your car. I do, so here, take it," He insists, so I tentatively take the jacket from him with my free hand and hold it up to my chest.

 

"Are you sure?" I ask and he nods, not losing eye contact.

"Yes. I'm sure," he says. Oh my Gosh. I _have_ to kiss him. He's too cute _not_ to.

 

"Simon," I say slowly. I take a deep breath. "Can I kiss you?"

 

His eyes widen for a second and he opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it again. I chew my bottom lip nervously. I've probably said the wrong thing. I mean, we haven't even been boyfriends for a day yet.

But I've liked him for months.

 

Simon's confused frown turns into a bright smile, and he nods enthusiastically.

"Yes, Bram. Yes, you can," - It only lasts for about a second. I pull away from him and pull on his jacket, and smile before I walk back to my car.

 

It's not a very long kiss. But it makes me feel a certain type of way that lasts the entire day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! That's the story done! I really really hope you liked this because I really enjoyed writing it. I love Bram and Simon a lot, wow.
> 
> Thank you for reading, I really really appreciate it, and you.


End file.
